


Youth

by thatgayshipper



Category: Buttercreams, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: I promise it's good, I'm bad at tags, Multi, Please read this anyway, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 23:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11656785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgayshipper/pseuds/thatgayshipper
Summary: To their viewers it seems like the Buttercreams are a bunch of YouTubers bound by their fun-loving friendship, but what really binds them together is heartbreak. Each man plays a role and each has his own issues, some not even admitting them to themselves let alone their friends, and others putting their hearts out on their sleeves. This is what it's really like being a YouTuber; love is no more glamorous than for anyone else.





	1. Setting Fire to our Insides for Fun

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic. The titles are from "Youth" by Daughter, which, if you're as into fandoms as I am, you've probably heard and don't even know it.

Jack is known for being the one with no morals, the one who would do anything and cross anyone to get laid. It's a well-earned reputation. In the contacts in his phone are the names of too many one-night stands to count. He never calls but one or two as booty calls, but the contacts stay there as a reminder. Of what? If his friends were to see, they would likely guess they served as an ego boost. The real reason Jack keeps them is because he wants to remember what sex without love is like when he eventually has sex with someone he loves, even if he doubts he ever will fall in love. With every new girl he drunkenly sleeps with and leaves hungover in the morning, he sees a chance at love, and each failure to find it has begun to sting. He yearns for the day that seeing a girls' sleeping face in the morning makes him want to ask her to stay, but it hasn't happened. He gets them to leave as pleasantly as possible, and moves on with his day, so his heart can be broken a little more the next time.


	2. One Day We'll Reveal the Truth

Joe and Caspar are soulmates. Anyone can see it, and how they clicked so fast is the reason they moved in together. Joe and Caspar came to know it and know they'll always be the best of friends. Caspar gets new girlfriends all the time, which is totally fine by Joe. Soulmates can be plutonic.

Well... it was fine with Joe. He starts feeling jealous of the beautiful young girls Caspar dates. Finally there's a few months where Caspar has no girlfriend and doesn't seem to be getting a new one, and Joe decides it's the best time to tell Caspar about his feelings.

He doesn't throw the word 'love' around; he doesn't know if he feels it. He just tells it to Caspar how it is: he's jealous and they're soulmates and that must mean something. They could try dating.

Caspar gets a little frustrated. He doesn't want to date a guy, no matter if it's adorable and feminine Joe. He tells Joe he doesn't want to, and things are rocky between them for a few weeks.

He doesn't stay mad at Joe though. He never could. He explains it all and everything is almost okay between them again. Caspar finds himself another girlfriend after a while, and Joe is left feeling ways he shouldn't. There's never going to be anything romantic between him and Caspar, and Joe just has to give it up. Happily ever after, right?


	3. Visions of our Futures

Conor, Jack, and Josh throw a party at their flat one night. It's a small one, as you can't actually fit a ton of people in there, but it's still fun. There's girls and guys in equal numbers, but Jack gets too drunk to pull a girl.

When he wakes up in his room the next morning, something is different. He's got a hangover for sure, but from the moment he sees the face of the one he shared the bed with, he remembers some of the night before: lying on his bed, Josh walking in likely as drunk as Jack, him collapsing atop Jack like he didn't know he was there, his hips starting to move and Jack trying to push him off, only for Josh's leg to end up in the perfect spot between his legs, Jack giving in and grinding back up onto Josh, and both of them cumming in their pants embarrassingly soon.

Jack is just staring off into nowhere, thinking, when Josh wakes up. He sees Jack and looks down at his body, seeing that he's clothed, then back at Jack.

"We didn't fuck if that's what you're wondering," Jack says. "You probably should change pants and er, clean up... and so should I."

Josh leaves the room quickly, uncomfortable but glad it's nothing worse than drunkenly dry humping his friend. Jack decides he'll find him in the living room later and check that they’re still cool, but that something bubbles up in his chest again. It's like he doesn't want Josh to leave. He doesn't care about Josh though. He's never felt this for any girl, but the one time he wakes up to a man he feels something he'll definitely need to explore more. It's against everything the world taught him when growing up, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel now. Happiness could be in his future.


	4. A Lifeless Face You'll Soon Forget

Mikey goes out with his friends many nights and has fun. He's even gotten with a couple girls, but he can't get over one girl. She was perfect, someone really worth falling in love with, and she wasn't his. He had lost his chance, being head-over-heels and unable to say anything to her about it. He was a boring rock compared to her crystalline iridescence, a pigeon to a peacock, a dull moth yearning a beautiful butterfly, and that could never work out.


	5. To Distract our Hearts

Joe finds solace in his friendship with Jack. They've grown close, and one day it comes up in their conversation that they've both been rejected on some level by their South African friends. After more discussion, they realize that they'd be willing to try out a relationship. They keep it a secret from the rest of the Buttercreams, but everything is perfect for several weeks. Joe and Jack get along great. They have their dates at night, and cuddle, kiss, fuck, and rely on each other like any good couple, and Joe spends his days in his flat with Caspar.

Jack may be well on his way to falling in love after so many tries with girls and now a couple guys too, but Joe is still unhappy. As exciting as everything is with Jack, he's not Caspar. He's not the lazy, dumb, lovely, beautiful South African man he's known and loved for years. Joe just can't get over Caspar, and he can't have him.


	6. You Caused It

Joe has never had anything Caspar didn't and felt jealous over, but now the feeling consumes Caspar. It's obvious in the way they are together that Joe and Jack are dating. Jack shows up at the Jaspar flat to "go out clubbing" some nights, only to come back slightly tipsy and lock themselves in Joe's room like they can't be heard, or to "play FIFA" in the middle of the day, only for Caspar to find them ignoring the screen and making out soon after. Caspar tells himself he just misses having time with Joe, but it's more than that. After all this time, he loves Joe too.

Joe is happy though, and Caspar can't mess that up, just like he could never purposely wake Joe.

Caspar lets his feelings boil inside until the only solution is to move out. He and Joe talk it over, Caspar never saying the real reason he wants this, and they find separate places in London.

Moving day arrives, with a burden of emotions for both. Caspar will miss Joe but thinks he might be happy seeing less of the man he loves with someone else. Joe hopes he might now get over Caspar, but he realizes that, in going along with this moving out thing and separating from his soulmate, he might actually be setting himself up for only more heartache.

Caspar types Jack out a text, never to be sent, that will stay in his phone for months. "I realize I'm an idiot, but this is entirely your fault. Maybe he's happy now, but he was always saying we were soulmates. He and I will be unhappy and it's all because of you. Some friend you are."


	7. Lucky One

Joe has been staying with Zoe and Alfie for a few days when Zoe takes a look at her brother staring off into space and asks what is wrong. He denies anything being wrong saying everything is fine between him and Jack. Zoe knows all about his relationship with Jack though.

"What about Caspar?"

Joe recaps all that has happened since the last time they talked about him loving Caspar, probably some time before they moved out. "I see him less, but I'm getting on just fine. I miss all the times we had, but he's not the highlight of my time now. The problem is that I don't love Jack any more for loving Caspar less. It sucks.

"You and Alfie though... you two are perfect. You like each other, you came to love each other, and you have everything you want in each other. Everybody else I know is broken-heartened and empty, and you're one of the lucky ones - no, you are the lucky one."


End file.
